It all began with a really strange introduction. I popped in to an elementary school down the street from my house just to see if there were any teaching positions available. Times were tough, and my wife and I had a brand-new baby. I had already sworn off these kinds of jobs, but you do what you have to do in tough times.
I was met with a little bit of surprise. The British man looking over my resume seemed to be shocked that a person just came in off the street looking for a job. He asked me how I knew about the opening, and I told him I did not.
“You didn’t see our ad on Craigslist?” he asked. I shook my head.
I should have run. When I heard those words, I should have run.
He rushed me through a ton of paperwork, handing over a “shedyule” of my classes. Not much information was given, and no materials were provided. I was hired after filling in the same forms three or four times, and just let loose in the school.
The job was not a fit. It was clear. I accidentally left my “shedyule” at home on the first day, and hooooly crap that dude let me have it. It was as easy of a fix as having my wife snap a quick photo and send it over, but he just kept complaining. It was the school’s only copy, and he absolutely would not shut up about it.
Wonderful start.
Well, between the fresh rat urine and feces in my broken desk, the loud co-workers in my office, the lack of any materials or guidance, and the disrespect shown by the kids, I called for a meeting with the guy who hired me after four days.
I was met with a great deal of hostility. Apparently, he was mad at me for dressing down an extremely rude student. He even threw around the word “crazy.”
Ok, big homie. We don’t use that word.
I had to fire back.
I felt the need to mention the gross environment. I told him that we got off on a bad foot because he gave me a broken desk full of rat piss.
“Well I’m sowry that we don’t meet yore standahds, PEE-TAH!” he spat. “But WE got off on the wrong foot when you forgot yore SHEDYULE.”
My eyes widened. It was then that I realized that I was getting very, very angry.
“Dude! Again with the schedule!” I made sure to correct him. “If that’s your only copy, how on earth is that my fault?”
“You watch yore tone, Peetah. Now why don’t you tell me what happened in the ah-my while I have you here. Three years? What’s that all about?”
Oh, man. He had to go there.
“It’s complicated, and I was given an honorable discharge. Were you ever in the service?” I asked testily. I might have even given him a bit of the old mad-dog stare.
“Kicked out, more like.” he replied.
Holy sh*t. Was I going to hit this guy?
I sighed. With the last bit of hope that I had for continued employment, I admitted: “Look, I have Aspergers. I could not handle –”
“I knew it!” he blurted, sneering like the f*cking Grinch. “I’ll bet this was all made up as well.” He was holding my resume and slapping it.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on there. Are you saying I lied about my education?”
“I’m saying this whole thing is probably a lie.” Homeboy was looking super proud of himself for having cracked the case.
“Alright, that’s enough. We’re done.” I said, flatly. I took the long way around the desk to show I was leaving.
He spat out some nonsense about calling the “pleece” on me for my threatening demeanor, but I told him to shut up because I was leaving. I was so rattled by this point that I chose to leave $50 worth of brand-new supplies, including a new water kettle as a gift to the teachers.
My wife knew what was going on, but I wasn’t going to wait for her to get there. I just started walking. I was thinking about my nine-month-old daughter, and how ashamed I was to be facing my family having left a job after only four days. Sure, it was a crap job, but it was still absolutely humiliating to be called crazy and then told that your resume was fake. Never in my life had I ever heard anything so sh*tty.
I was snapped out of my deep concentration by a couple of those dickhe*d motorcycle taxi drivers you find out here.
“Hey, hey! Moto-cy! You want?”
I didn’t look over. I was burning up, and could not think straight.
“Heeyah. Kwai.” the guy muttered.
Oh, cool. One guy calls me crazy, then another guy curses at me. What an awesome day I’m having.
